Wednesday, December 14, 2011
We've been broken up for a week and two days, and he hasn't said a word to me. I had to do it in a Facebook message because due to money issues he still doesn't have a phone. He was supposed to get one December first. It sucks, because I wanted to do it over at least Skype or something, but he never tried to contact me. That's what really ended it for me. I just need a fresh start I guess.
I've already gone down a pant size. Woo and hoo. I miss him. Every day. Every morning I wake up and realize we aren't together anymore it kills me. I know this was my decision. I can't be in a relationship where we don't communicate. Where we don't even talk. And his attitude about this? Enforces my decision.
He told his mom that I don't deserve a conversation and he doesn't wanna talk to me. Can't blame him though.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
omgeez so much has happened lately...i dont even know where to start!!!! Okay, well lets start with the fact that me and my ex from freshman year are dating again...awesomeness right? It's like a good but then a bad thing at the same time...
Good: love him dearly and am seriously happy; he's amazing; i feel like i don't have to be anything i'm not with him; comfortable together because we dated for 9 months before; feels right after all the crap that happened between us, like a new new beginning!
Bad:He's in the Marines, and is leaving on Monday for training and will be gone for forever...but hey gotta get used to it right?
I know that I have GOT to get used to this, because its gonna be his life, and if I wanna be a part of it then I'd better suck it up and move on, you know? Plus when I do get to see him it'll be ten times better because we know that we only have a limited amount of time together so thats another good thing. omgeez...well thats my blogpost for this time, talk to you laters!
First off, how horrid is my grammar/diction?? Ahh lol. I can't believe I ever thought Camp Geiger and Fort Sill were hard. Pfft. If only I knew what was to come...
Bear and I have had such a hard year since our first anniversary. And the hard stuff didn't even happen until after his deployment. He won't get to come home for Christmas, no money so he's going to his best friend's for Christmas. My heart hurts to have him away on Christmas, but there's nothin I can do about it. All I can say is I love him more today than I did one year ago. And I never thought that would be possible! He doesn't know when he will be home again, and that kills me. I know I should be used to this, it HAS been two years. But I'm not. Maybe next year, the thought that he'll have less than a year left will make this easier :))
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Alright this may be super long but it's my ball weekend :)
Wednesday- Traveled all damn day. At my last lay over before Vegas in LAX and Bear calls from his friend's phone asking all this random information about my flights and such and I'm like Why...and he tries to be evasive at least :p So he surprised me and picked me up from the air port :)) The first thing he does is grab me and we spin ♥ He takes me to his friend and is like "This is MJ. I'm not going crazy anymore" *SIGH*
Thursday- We got up and checked out of the hotel and the RIO let us check in earlier than we expected so we napped. All day. Lmao. We got up and I got ready and we're sitting there waiting for a good time to go down and he just keeps looking at me. I was like "What?!" And he goes "Nothin, can't I just look at you?" I almost started sobbing right then and there. We get down there and meet up with this friends, one goes "There she is!!" And runs up to me like a puppy dog lol. Everyone "heard so much about you!!" I'm sure ya'll knows how that feels, I felt so special. We ate and left, because Bear got sick. He almost passed out and I was literally holding one arm and had one around his waist, rules be damned. He was better after we ate though. We went out on the strip with his friends and it was amazing.
Friday and Saturday we just together as much as possible. Went to some tourist attractions, him and his buddy shot at a gun shop. It was a great weekend. When he dropped me off I wanted to die. He was still sick and it killed me to leave him like that :( But his friend is sending me updates and keeping me informed. He promised to take care of Bear for me ♥
I haven't gotten to talk to him yet, his phone won't be back on until Tuesday. But honestly the first day sucks!!!!!
PS I LOVE VEGAS :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Words cannot describe how excited I am! She is one of my first followers, we "met" a year and a half ago! She was from Knoxville and we started texting and she's one of the only people that I go to for reliable relationship advice haha. We're both so alike when it comes to that stuff, I know she won't steer me wrong. We even go to the same school, weird right?? I can't believe we haven't met up on campus before, I mean I know our campus is huge but dang!! I'm going to see her after I meet up with my Social Work advisor.
Oh yeah, I switched majors :) Social work feels right, but weirdest part is, my advisor shares first names with my Bear. >.< My life lol
So to end, I'M SO EXCITEDAND I'M TAKING PICTURES!! Haha Jessikuh be prepared :))))
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.
Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.
Give up complaining. – Do something about it.
Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
Give up waiting. – What we don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.
Give up lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself. Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
Give up trying to avoid mistakes. – The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
Give up saying, “I can’t.” – As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”
Give up trying to be everything to everyone. – Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Start small. Start now.
Give up thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
Give up setting small goals for yourself. – Many people set small goals because they’re afraid to fail. Ironically, setting these small goals is what makes them fail.
Give up trying to do everything by yourself. – You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you work together, you will be far more capable and powerful than you ever could have been alone.
Give up buying things you don’t need. – Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.
Give up blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can live your dream life depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
Give up making mountains out of molehills. – One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years? If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
Give up trying to live up to the expectations of others. – Work on it for real and exceed your own expectations. Everything else will fall into place.
Give up the ‘easy street’ mentality. – There is too much emphasis on finding a ‘quick fix’ in today’s society. For example taking diet pills to lose weight instead of exercising and eating well. No amount of magic fairy dust replaces diligent, focused, hard work.
Give up making promises you can’t keep. – Don’t over-promise. Over-deliver on everything you do.
Give up letting your thoughts and feelings bottle up inside. – People are not mind readers. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them.
Give up beating around the bush. – Say what you mean and mean what you say. Communicate effectively.
Give up avoiding change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
Give up your sense of entitlement. – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world. We are all equal. We breathe the same air. We get what we give. We get what we earn.
Give up waiting until the last minute. – Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
Give up being dramatic. – Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.
Give up being anti-athletic. – Get your body moving! Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout.
Give up junk food. – You are what you eat.
Give up eating as a means of entertainment. – Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry.
Give up foolish habits that you know are foolish. – Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t smoke. Etc.
Give up relationships with people who bring you down. – Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.
Give up being shy. – Network with people. Meet new people. Ask questions. Introduce yourself.
Give up worrying about what others think of you. – Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
Give up trying to control everything. – Life is an unpredictable phenomenon. No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next. So do you best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.
Give up doing the same thing over and over again. – In order to grow, you must expand your horizons and break free of your comfort zone. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
Give up following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t find the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
Give up persistent multi-tasking. – Do one thing at a time and do it right.
Give up thinking others are luckier than you. – The harder you work, the luckier you will become.
Give up filling every waking moment with commitments and activities. – It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to do nothing sometimes. Think. Relax. Breathe. Be.
Give up making emotional decisions. – Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence. Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.
Give up doing the wrong things just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it. Think bigger. Keep the end in mind. Do what you know in your heart is right.
Give up focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
Give up taking yourself so seriously. – Few others do anyway. So enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can.
Give up spending your life working in a career field you’re not passionate about. – Life is too short for such nonsense. The right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
Give up thinking about the things you don’t have. – Appreciate everything you do have. Many people aren’t so lucky.
Give up doubting others. – People who are determined do remarkable things. Remember, the one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
Give up fussing with every beauty product on the market. – Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart. Be proud to be you. That’s when you’re beautiful.
Give up trying to fit in. – Don’t mold yourself into someone you’re not. Be yourself. Oftentimes, the only reason they want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business.
Give up trying to be different for the sake of being different. – Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is conformity. When people try too hard to be different, they usually end up being just like everyone else who is trying to be different. Once again, be yourself.
Give up trying to avoid risk. – There’s no such thing as ‘risk free.’ Everything you do or don’t do has an inherent risk.
Give up putting your own needs on the back burner. – Yes, help others, but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
And remember, mistakes make us human, failures help us grow, hope keeps us going and love is the reason we’re alive. So keep learning, loving and living. Never give up on yourself.
Monday, October 10, 2011
I have a Chemistry Exam tomorrow...I should probably be studying to be honest with you. But I have archaeology homework to do as well. We have to write a research paper and I don't even know what I want to write about. :/
The lovely Jessikuh has made me a new bloggy back ground!! I'm completely in love with it, I keep refreshing my page to look at it :)
My Bear is out in the field for the next gazillion days. Not really but it feels like it. They're dividing 18 days up into segments. How the heck does that make any kind of sense? Just do the straight 18 days, don't tease me with a weekend off every now and then.
Bear's been weird lately :/ Before the field we hardly talked for the entire week leading up to it, and I know that he was probably busier than crap but he always found time to talk to me before. Now it's just blah.
One of the main reasons I can't wait until Vegas?? Which is in 30 days!!!!! I'm going to play a prank on my mommy :)) It's going to have something to do with a chapel and a dress ;)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
- Being married and getting those knocks on the door
- Being engaged and getting a phone call from his mom
- Getting married. Period.
- Being a mom
- Being hypocritical
- Being alone
- Walking alone at night when there are reports of a guy attacking people wearing a clown mask and carrying a baseball bat. This is currently happening.
- Being late to the airport
- Plane ticket
- Trip to Colorado
- Live in Scotland
- To be in bed right now
- November <3
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
- I make fun of people in my head all day.
- I don't like short shorts
- I think the majority of girls are skanks
- 23 months until Mr gets outta the Corps
- I'm excited for that ^^
- I'm afraid to tell Mr that I might not be able to go to Vegas, no ticket money
- I hang up on people at Papa Johns when I cant understand them
- I'm a closet baby doll enthusiast lol it's sad
- I think my laptop is broken
- Blogger frustrates me -.-
Monday, August 29, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
May 31- MOVE IN DAY!!! Fun times fun times :)) NOT. First, housing lost the list of names for the program that I'm in, so we had to be manually put into the system. As if that's not annoying enough, we randomly got stuck with people. Wouldn't it just be my luck if I got put with the girl that I had two years ago, the one that we both dislike each other? Yeah that was my thought right before this "Okay so she will be in room *** with MJ? Alright thanks!" Yeah. My life right?
***Side note***I felt seriously sorry for the hall director, this one girl was getting all upset and huffing everywhere like a horse and hitting her hand on the desk like a princess, and this woman just went with it. Bless you Hall Director.
Anywho, we went up to the room, my mom helped me move in :)) Yeah, my mother's amazing, I know :) My roomie hid out in her horsey friends room the whole time I was unpacking and only came back when I was gone, mature right?
***Side note #2*** I am not going to be very objective about Horse Friend or Roomie in this post
So. For about a day and a half we just studiously ignored one another and went about our lives. Until the day of Orientation. June 1st. This little witchy Roomie kept turning the A/C off when I was out of the room because "she gets cold" easily. Bull snot. She knows I get hot easily and wanted to make it miserable for me. Well in order to do this on this particular instance she decided to move my things off of the A/C to get to it. WHOA BACK UP. Touching my things?? When I'm not even in the room??? Who died and made her room mother? So I confronted her about that. She tried to play it off as me being childish, I said "No, it's not childish to want my things left alone in my own room. If this happens again I'm going to someone about it."
Fast forward about a week. We get called into a meeting with the program director. I'm terrified we're going to get kicked out of the program, because we just dislike each other so much, it's fairly obvious. She tells us we need to work it out and it's not healthy for the group to be put under stress by us. To which I completely agreed. I had had enough of the childish high school BS. So Roomie and I talked it out and I thought we were cool.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
This is our puppy Sapphire :)) She's part boxer, lab, and husky :)) She's 8 weeks old and HUGEEE!! She's also the sweetest puppy. Ever. Mr and I are in love with her, he pretty much gets daily picture of her and I hate living on campus away from her! When I went home this past weekend she freaked out when she saw me and her little tail was wagging like crazy :))
Hmmm what else is going on? Ohhh I need a co-signer for my student loan :/ Mr can't do it because spouses can't be co-signers for each other, my parents can't, and I just don't know who I'm gonna get to do it. :/ Funk funk funk.
I got a second job at Papa Johns last week! I work only weekends, get paid every Monday, and it's pretty much my gas money. I need to save up for Vegas and this will help a ton. I have all kinds of insurance junk to worry about, so needless to say I'm pretty stressed.
Haha sidenote, this girl in my Engliah 102 class has an Elmo voice. It cracks me up.
Anywho, Mr got a new phone the other day! It's touch screen and he's just like "Uh...." about it. My poor non technological Marine. Ohh and he bought a truck yesterday! 2010 Silver Ford Ranger. It's only a 2 seater but we won't need more seats than that for a while so it's good for now :))
I might be MIA for a bit, Finals are coming up and then Fall semseter starts. I'll do quick updates every now and then for you!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
I love this song! It keeps playing over and over in my head, I can't get enough of it! It's just too darn catchy I guess. Anywho this is my first time linking up so..Im not qutie sure how to get the video in the movie screen format thingy so it's rough and just a linky :)
My message? Yes, I have changed. I have gone from a girl who was unsure about herself and her life into a fairly independent semi-adult. I use the words semi and fairly because I'm not there yet. I still have a lot of living left to do. Maybe I've become a super B because my fiance was gone for six months and we got to talk a total of 8-10 times. Maybe I've changed because in the last year and almost 8 months I've been through more than I thought I was getting myself into, and it overwhelmed me. Maybe if you had stuck around and listenend more to what I had to say I wouldn't have gotten a facebook message from you wondering where our friendship went. I don't have time to be friends with people who are "sometimes" friends. My life is moving pretty fast, and I need to know that my friends aren't going to bail when it become inconvenient to them. And I think I've found those friends. So, yes. I have changed, get used to it.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Should I be worried? She's too cute for me to worry though...I just wanna hug her :)
It stormed, quite a bit and we got lost on the way home... we got lost...but it was amazing to just have him home
I didn't see him the day afterwards, because he was doing boy things with his friends...but that Friday I picked him up...
He fished quite a bit, I forgot how country he was...only sad boy beause he never caught anything...my 13 year old cousin as the only person to ever catch anything...everyday. Twice a day. Anywho
These are his sexy shoes, yes, they are pink and he posed for me :) He knows how to work it
He stole my camera and took pictures, but that's okay, cause I got black mail now ;)
And then sad day, we had to go back and I dropped him off that Sunday. :( Monday we had our first fight, and it was scary and I hated it...I cried and he got upset and it was all one big mess. But we got everything worked out and we talk now, so good things do come from bad.
We saw each other every now and then that week, and then that Friday the lovely boy came to campus with me!
He came to work with me and played on my laptop for a few hours...he was so sweet :) People at work loved him, of course how could they not? My dad works on campus too and we stopped by his office and my love is officially "Quite a handsome boy" :) Yeah well I knew that :)))
Before we went swimming with the amazing Hannah I made him take pictures with me, he hates pictures, but I got so many this time I think he's immune to them now! He told me this ^^^ is how they kiss on Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs...I told him if he's not careful that could be our wedding kiss :D
More kisses :) I love his face in this one
He smiled for the pictures on my iPod but not the ones on his...pfft
That takes us to Saturday! The Saturday before he left :/
I got to meet his Didi (Grandmother), his Aunt and Uncle, and his heart aka baby cousin Princess. She's 3 and absolutely and utterly precious :) Seeing the two of them together was amazing, I never knew what he meant when he talked about her but now I do. They're precious together :)
On the way up there Mr and his brother decided they were going to make a redneck seat belt with bungee cords...I get a text from the front "Look at our web" Web?? Ohh...uhm nice babe...real nice
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
In other news, I go home this weekend!! Sleep here I comeeeee
Thursday, June 16, 2011
College is alright, it's draining me though. I'm getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night and wake up in the mornings all groggy and junk and fallin asleep in class is killin me. It's all these English papers I have to write I guess.
My new job is pretty amazing though, I just sit on the computer all day and do nothing but homework, I mean, hey I'll take what I can get ;)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
MJ- I've got bubbles!
Mr.- Can someone say childish?
MJ- Can someone say mean?
MJ- yes you are. incredibly so
Mr- I love you too
MJ- I know you do :) I loves you mores
and guess who never got a text back? Maybe I was being too sensitive...because honestly, I'm having trouble trying to figure out how to react to him. He got back to the states Friday, and texted me when he could and it was awkward really...I'm so happy he's home, he makes me so happy when he's not being like this. And I don't really know what to say to him now. I feel like I don't know how to talk to him anymore and that makes me sad. Maybe I'm just so distracted with the roommate thing and I need to work more on my relationship. I'm not sure.
Speaking of roommates, guess what? I don't like mine. Now, its not that she's a horrible person, although some of the things she's done to me have led me to have a biased opinion, its that we've roomed together before, and we both did some petty, unnecessary things, and now we can't stand each other. She admitted to poisoning what I thought were two very good frienships with lies and making them choose sides between us. All with a smile on her face. But oh well, whatever. We both know that frienship is out of the question, I just hope that we can coexist civily. So I'm off to be even more conflicted now...lalala
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Today was my first day of class, and I'm reallly starting to realise that I'm not fully grown up like I want to be yet. I still need to work on my flexibility and to learn to handle conflict. I need to get off blogger and do my homework too :P I will in a minute though. I really hope this is a growing and learning experience for me, I really think I need that. Well anywho, that's my updates :) I'll go in depth later :)
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Something that I've noticed happening a lot is civilian friends droping out of my life. They either don't understand or they're just uncaring about what I have to say that has to do with the military. I'm a caring person and I'll sit and listen to other people talk all day long but when I expect the same in return I'm disappointed. I find this funny, because I'm so much closer to my military girls than the people at home who are "best friends". They tell me when I'm upset to go talk to my "girls" and I do. I look at them and say "Wow you're right, they would understand."
Monday, April 25, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
26. I've always struggled with my weight. When I was six I decided I was too fat.
27. I'm not that excited about prom
28. I'm VP of my school's chapter of National Honor Society
29. I've dyed my hair twice. Red both times. And both times it faded very quickly.
30. I get frusturated very easily with certain people
31. It's taken me a week to do this
32. I turn 18 in 5 days
33. I highly doubt that anyone is reading this
34. I'm a worrier
35. I wear contacts
36. I love helping in the second grade
37. Mister knows my iPod passwords
38. I can be a huge hypocrite
39. I forgot to apply for housing
40. I would be perfectly okay with getting married tomorrow
41. I'm addicted to Facebook
42. I can type without looking
43. I'm afraid of math
44. I'm afraid of snakes
45. I love kids
46. I don't really know how to use my calculator
47. I'm really good at making up sentimental stuff for papers
48. I'm jealous a lot
49. I have an unnatural hate for skinny blonde preppy people
50. Idk how I'm going to think of 50 more
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Joining the Army became his primary focus after a few years of drifting after high school, dead end jobs, etc. His weight piled on, something far too easy for the Brown line he comes from. We eat our feelings! He had to lose 100 pounds to join, and it took him just under a year to do it. He was focused and driven, wanting to be part of something he could feel proud of. He was so proud wearing his uniform. He had such a smile, that just melted your heart. You could not stay mad at him long. A practical joker, and seeker of fun; full of pranks and mischief. He made friends of senior command leaders, who would seek him out, just because it felt good to be around him. He made the unit's deployment bearable, said many of his battle buddies. Mike, his battle bud, told us the story of how Mike was called home due to a surgery his wife would be having. Kale carried Mike's gear, all 80lbs, in addition to his own, during the heat of summer in Iraq. Never complained, only asked how his wife was whenever they spoke.
After his Iraq deployment he settled into life at Ft. Carson. He would be moving on to a new duty station the following spring at Ft. Drum, with Afghanistan deployment in the summer. I had worried so much over his last deployment as only those who send loved ones off to a warzone know. In my mind, he was a "boy scout camp". That is where I pictured him and believed him to be safe. Seeing him fully decked out in his protective gear always seemed to shock my brain to reality that he was not "safe". Each day you prayed, held your breath, and hoped you would never get "the knock".
Most of us had talked to him either day before or a few days before, I remember we talked about the college classes he was signing up for, and working towards making his Sergeant rank. He told me about his cool new tatt he got with his Battle Buddy, Mike, since they had both served on a security team. Kale became Uncle to his kids. They loved the mischief Kale would bring to the house. That morning when I woke up, Sat. Feb. 13th, he was on my mind. I called him, and his phone just rang and rang. I left a message for him to call me back. That evening, a rare quiet date with my hubby, just us and the remote. Kids all out at a dance, friends, dates, etc. Two of our gang, were both living out of state. About 9pm, we get "the Knock". It seemed unusual, we were not expecting anyone. I heard Mark talking, then saw them enter.
It seemed like slow motion, and took me only a second to recognize them, instantly knowing, Kale was dead. The one closest to me, not sure how to break the news, nervously asked me "how I was doing?" I looked him straight in his eyes, my voice shaking and said, "I don't know, you tell me how I'm doing." Not wanting to hear what was coming next.
"We regret to inform you that your son, Kale Daren Clay has been killed."
My head started crying out, "NO, NO, not Kale!, Not my son, Not my baby!" I pretty much lost it at that point, crying so hard. We held each other for a time, trying to absorb it. It seemed so unreal, you just kept thinking it or saying it as if it somehow would feel more real the more you heard it. We next knew we had to tell our children. We were about to inflict the cruelest pain on our children, their hearts were about to break and we could not fix this. We started calling them home, "get home right now." The tones, and words already alerting them something major was happening.
We called our daughter in Washington, hospitalized the past year for trying to jump off a bridge in Seattle. I was about to devastate her and I could not be there to make sure she could handle this. To not have anyone there to hold her or know she could get through this. The screams in the phone tore through our hearts.
Jordan came in just as dad was telling Kassy in Virginia. The party she was at with friends and family there, all told me later how her screams and cries just cut them all to the heart. Jordan hearing the news that his beloved brother and best friend, was dead fell to the floor, doubled up in pain.
The girls came next, Megan, Jessica and Becca, all hearing the crying and the news fell, crying, screaming, so unbelievable.
Brian was the last to arrive, he met the kids in the front yard and hearing the news started swinging, trying to fight us from delivering him this cruel blow.
We all held each other, cried, friends gathered, all of us numb and in shock. We learned that he was killed in a head on collision early that morning. Another passenger, Pawel Serafin died with him. The driver was a friend of Kale's, and he received injuries to his legs and some internal damage. They served together in Iraq. The truck they hit, was a 350 utility truck. He was injured in the crash. Kale's injuries we later learned, were two instant death injuries, one upon impact, the second as Pawel, who was not seat belted, flew forward, smashing into the windshield.
I was told that Kale had tried to call a taxi that night, he had tried to call a friend who did not pick up the call. He had plans to meet up with a girl he was seeing but they missed each other. So many things that would have given us a different outcome. Jordan Peters later told me that he held up the Designated Driver business card that all soldiers are required to have on them at all times, he gave a safety briefing to his unit with it. If only he had just called them. If only a police officer was at the bottom of the hill just past base.
There have been so many hard things we have experienced this past year, burying him, his birthday 17 days later, the two weddings his sisters had that he missed or his first neice being born. Going through trial, seeing those photos I tried so hard to not see that will haunt me to the end of my days. The greatest tragedy was that his death was preventable. The choices made to have "fun" have a lifetime of devastating pain. I carry that till the day I die.
Seeing how it has torn up the hearts of my family. Jordan Peters was sentenced to 10 years, and a bad conduct discharge. His career is over. He carries the pain of this as well to the day he dies. There are no winners here.
This is why I became involved with MADD. It took a personal experience to open my eyes to this huge problem.
If I can spare one other mother, the pain my heart carries, one other family from being destroyed over the loss of a loved one than the work I do and Kale and Pawel's death will have meaning. MADD was there from day one, and has continued to assist our family during those very dark hours. The services they provide make coping possible. It is free to victims and survivors but is not free to make possible. It takes events like the Walk Like Madd, their biggest campaign, to fund the many programs of education, assisting with court/trial for victims, working with lawmakers etc.
My son loved being a soldier and was so proud to serve his country. Won't you help me give back? Any amount adds up. I set a goal to raise of $2328.00 the ages of Kale and Pawel. I am half way there, and need help. It is not an easy thing for me to do, I am one who takes pride in serving others and am not good at accepting help. It is my driving force to do this for them.
I have chosen to walk in Kale's boots he wore in Iraq. They are big, and will probably really hurt, but I walk for him. He did so much for so many others, never caring about his own discomfort. I hope you will take a minute right now, and find someway to help.
One, pass on our story to all your contacts, the more ears that hear his message the better.
Two, sign up to help our team, on the walklikemadd.org, we are listed in Phoenix, and look for Team Clay/Serafin. You can join us if you are close, Sat. April 2, Westgate Center, Glendale AZ, or sign up as a "Virtual Walker". You don't even have to walk.
Or just send a donation! Really, every dollar helps. Ask people for donations or to sponsor you!
Next, never drive if you drink, don't let someone you know drive if they have. Never be a passenger of an impaired driver. Wear your seatbelt!
From his birthday March 3 to the walk April 2, I am going to find daily hard things, in his honor, so join me in that too. I struggle with getting up early, exercising more, eating better... always putting change off. Not this time, I promised him the day I buried him, I will do hard things, because he showed me how.
I pray together, we can save lives!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
hey babe sorry its been awhile but hey i know your a strong girl thats one of the reasons i love you youll never geuss where i am im in thiland (thailand)
AS IF HE HAS TO
But yeah...so I'm gonna go:)
If you want my email please say so...
I hate losing touch with people
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Okay. Don't judge me or hate me for this post, but I'm beginning to wonder if Mr. still wants to get married. I've thought and thought agbout this, and I just can't seem to understand what he wants from me anymore. I talked to his brother about this and he told me this.
MJ-Do you think Mr and I will really get married
Bro-Because my brother loves you just as much as he loves me and thats close to impossible he doesnt even love mom that much
So is that the answer to all of my doubts? Words of wisdom from a brother? I just don't know what to do anymore. I hear all the time about other Marines just randomly getting married at the drop of a hat and he won't even tell me a YEAR. Maybe we're too young for this right now. Maybe people are right.
Or maybe (most likely) I'm thinking too hard about this right now and need to pay attention to my math teacher. Help?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
So I may or may not have stalked his battallion's facebook page and found this picture of him...and two more pictures and a video...again may or may not have
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Huge generator that shut down things in my neck of the woods for a good thirty minutes...It even went on the interstate
I want this prom dress...with a passion...only...it looks like I walways imagined my wedding dress O.o