Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Missin him with a big decision to make...

So I have a huge decision to make, and soon. I talked to a Marine recruiter today about the NROTC scholarship. It's a very competetive scholarship offered to seniors, and it involves enlisting, but going to get a bachelor's degree, which the Marines will pay up to $180,000 on. The only catch? I have to get competitive, and get an edge, and I have to do it soon, or my chance will fly right on by. My problem? I know I wanna do it, but then again I don't know if I wanna do it, because it's like I don't wanna make such a big decision without his input.
Lol to be honest, I never wanna make any decision without his input...And I can't get his input right now...Because I haven't talked to him since Sunday, and prolly won't talk to him until this next Sunday, unfortunately. So idk...I wanna do it but then again I don't know if I can, because for those who don't know me very well, I have about as much competitive edge as a cucumber. It all doesn't really matter to me. And even if I do this thing, I'll prolly not get it, you have to be super fit, and super, I just really NEED to talk to him, and I haven't and its killing me!!!!!!!
I mean not to sound stalkerish, but I don't wanna make such a big decision without him because I know he wouldn't make such a big one without me, or at least I would hope he wouldn't. Lately I just don't know. Early Feb I would tell you Heck NO he wouldn't, but today? I'd say heck I don't even know what I'd say. Probably look at you with big eyes and be like really? I'll ask next week if I talk to him...
I kinda feel like me and him are stretched super thin right now, he's busy with his life in California, and I'm busy here at home, and there is no in between. It's not just the time difference, it's everything else added onto that.
So idk, I really just miss him with a desperate passion at the moment, and needed somewhere to vent and I don't even remember what the point of this post was, lol. My life has fallen into a sad pattern now, I can make almost anything I talk about with people have SOMETHING to do with him, I could talk to you about cows and somehow make it connect. Is that bad?

1 comment:

  1. OK,You can make decisions without him, it's called thinking for yourself. Yes it's major, and yes when you get the chance, you can talk it over with him, but you have to maintain your own independance. The decisions he has to make are split second, so keep that in mind. It also helps if you write things down, and come back to them in a week, then go over them again and ask yourself if they are really what you want.


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