Does anybody else ever feel like the little lost and forgotten kid? I feel like that all of the time, OK, so maybe I'm not exactly little, and maybe I'm not exactly a "kid" anymore, but still. A lot of the time I feel lost, and forgotten. It's like I feel that I have to be good, no not good, the best at something, or people are going to forget I did it, or i feel like i have to be ditsy, and act like a blond for somebody to notice me, and I hate it. Because honestly, none of that is me. Sometimes I make myself sick with the way I act. I'm not nearly as unobservant, and naive, and kid like as everybody seems set on convincing themselves I am. My teachers are convinced that I'm not serious at anything that I do, and then they find out that I have a brain and they're like wow. And I know that a lot of that is my fault, I shouldn't act the part of the ditsy blond, but I've acted that part so long that now I have no idea who I am anymore. Am I the brainiac, the book worm who is so good at English, and is SUPPOSED to be amazing at everything else...Or am I the girl who doesn't give a flying flip about grades, who just wants to make it through high school in one piece? Somehow, I'm stuck in between these two people, and sometimes it feels like they're fighting within me, trying to find a place of their own. Is there room enough for both of them to be happy inside of me? Or will one have to live, and the other have to just give up? Because I really like both of those, and I really hope that someday I can find a way to be a combination of each of them, but who knows.
And on the subject of being naive, people hardly ever take me seriously, unless I get really upset about something, people think I'm kidding all of the time.I swear my math teacher thinks that I go home and sleep/talk on the phone/do nothing all day. It's like he thinks that I'm incompetent, and not capable of being a grown up or something. The ironic thing about all of that is that he's only 10 years older than our class is, he's only 2 years older than my favorite cousin, and he seems so much older, he seems like an old man. And I'm sad for him, because at 26 he shouldn't be teaching a bunch of 16 year old's something they don't even care about. He should be out having fun, at his first "real" job, not stuck in the boonies teachin a bunch of country kids Trig...

Going Away Parties :*(

So o Saturday I went to a going away for my favorite cousin. It didn't really bother me that she was moving to Hawaii until we were at the party and everybody was giving her money everything. I was like wait...NO!! Thsi chick has always been there for me, we've always been really close, and it really kills me that she's going SO ridiculously far away. So now its going to be like omg i don't have anyone to talk about everything to.
So anyways, stuff's been super busy lately, there's been such a hectic homework schedule and it's like WHOA where did all of this come from?? I think that teachers don't realize that we have lives outside of school and would really love to be able to live these lives and not being doing homework for so much of our lives...jeez...

Why is life in highschool so much harder than anyone tells you? You've got friends stabbing you in the back, you've got friends wanting to take "breaks" and then you've got guys. Which frankly I'm not too interested in right now. personally, I could care less about them at this point. My math grade is a D, one of the people who i thought of as my best friends, is wanting to take a "break" from our friendship. Honestly, I hate girls. I am aware that I am one, and that makes me hate me i guess you could say. Because I know how I think, and I know how my friends at school think, and we're all a big bunch of jerks. And on that note, how do you take a break from a friendship? Is that like no, I'm not your friend this week, maybe next week? Honestly, I dont really care about her. Because she's been in a mood for the past idk how long, and shes like i wanna take a break so i dont get tired of you and start snapping at you. If we were really friends, that wouldn't really be a problem, because she wouldn't care, I'd still be her friend, and she'd just not care. But whatever, I dont do stupid crap like that, because you can't take a break, you can just be like yeah we're not friends anymore. and i feel really bad for my third friend, cause she just wants all four of us to be close again. We can't though. the one gets in moods and hurts everybody's feelings and then expects us to laugh it off, the 2nd is probably the smartest, shes found a new group of friends. and the third is really a cool kid and i really wish we could all get along. I just always feel like the odd one out, they're all in band, and something happened at Friday's game, and since then they've all been treating me differently, they won't tell me things and crap. I mean, really, I wasn't there. Of course I'm gonna have questions about what happened, sorry. jeez. I really needed to get all of that out. It's been building up for the past idk how may days and weeks. Laters ya'll



TIFFANY, WHAT IS YOUR URL?? I KINDA LOST IT....LOL LOVE YA MCCARTY!