It's Over

After two years and 8 days, Bear and I are over. For good this time. I don't regret a single second of our relationship. He taught me how to love, what I needed to receive, and what I needed to give. He will always have an insanely huge part of my heart, and I can't do anything about that. I'm going to delete this blog in a few days, I don't have the heart to right now.

We've been broken up for a week and two days, and he hasn't said a word to me. I had to do it in a Facebook message because due to money issues he still doesn't have a phone. He was supposed to get one December first. It sucks, because I wanted to do it over at least Skype or something, but he never tried to contact me. That's what really ended it for me. I just need a fresh start I guess.

I've already gone down a pant size. Woo and hoo. I miss him. Every day. Every morning I wake up and realize we aren't together anymore it kills me. I know this was my decision. I can't be in a relationship where we don't communicate. Where we don't even talk. And his attitude about this? Enforces my decision.

He told his mom that I don't deserve a conversation and he doesn't wanna talk to me. Can't blame him though.

Two years later

Ohh my Lord. My Bear and I have been together for two years now...this is insane to me. I look at my posts from right after we got together...and ohh man



omgeez so much has happened lately...i dont even know where to start!!!! Okay, well lets start with the fact that me and my ex from freshman year are dating again...awesomeness right? It's like a good but then a bad thing at the same time...
Good: love him dearly and am seriously happy; he's amazing; i feel like i don't have to be anything i'm not with him; comfortable together because we dated for 9 months before; feels right after all the crap that happened between us, like a new new beginning!
Bad:He's in the Marines, and is leaving on Monday for training and will be gone for forever...but hey gotta get used to it right?
I know that I have GOT to get used to this, because its gonna be his life, and if I wanna be a part of it then I'd better suck it up and move on, you know? Plus when I do get to see him it'll be ten times better because we know that we only have a limited amount of time together so thats another good thing. omgeez...well thats my blogpost for this time, talk to you laters!


First off, how horrid is my grammar/diction?? Ahh lol. I can't believe I ever thought Camp Geiger and Fort Sill were hard. Pfft. If only I knew what was to come...

Bear and I have had such a hard year since our first anniversary. And the hard stuff didn't even happen until after his deployment. He won't get to come home for Christmas, no money so he's going to his best friend's for Christmas. My heart hurts to have him away on Christmas, but there's nothin I can do about it. All I can say is I love him more today than I did one year ago. And I never thought that would be possible! He doesn't know when he will be home again, and that kills me. I know I should be used to this, it HAS been two years. But I'm not. Maybe next year, the thought that he'll have less than a year left will make this easier :))

What happens in Vegas...

Alright this may be super long but it's my ball weekend :)
Wednesday- Traveled all damn day. At my last lay over before Vegas in LAX and Bear calls from his friend's phone asking all this random information about my flights and such and I'm like Why...and he tries to be evasive at least :p So he surprised me and picked me up from the air port :)) The first thing he does is grab me and we spin ♥ He takes me to his friend and is like "This is MJ. I'm not going crazy anymore" *SIGH*

Thursday- We got up and checked out of the hotel and the RIO let us check in earlier than we expected so we napped. All day. Lmao. We got up and I got ready and we're sitting there waiting for a good time to go down and he just keeps looking at me. I was like "What?!" And he goes "Nothin, can't I just look at you?" I almost started sobbing right then and there. We get down there and meet up with this friends, one goes "There she is!!" And runs up to me like a puppy dog lol. Everyone "heard so much about you!!" I'm sure ya'll knows how that feels, I felt so special. We ate and left, because Bear got sick. He almost passed out and I was literally holding one arm and had one around his waist, rules be damned. He was better after we ate though. We went out on the strip with his friends and it was amazing.

Friday and Saturday we just together as much as possible. Went to some tourist attractions, him and his buddy shot at a gun shop. It was a great weekend. When he dropped me off I wanted to die. He was still sick and it killed me to leave him like that :( But his friend is sending me updates and keeping me informed. He promised to take care of Bear for me ♥ 

I haven't gotten to talk to him yet, his phone won't be back on until Tuesday. But honestly the first day sucks!!!!! 

PS I LOVE VEGAS :)

Vegas Vegas Vegas Vegas

I'm leaving for Vegas in exactly 6 days!!!!! I have  been counting down from 135 days so six is soooooo close I can't stand it! I'm staying with Bear from the 9-12 my flight leaves Vegas at 1 am on the 13 :( I'm so super excited to get to see him! He's been in the field for almost 3 weeks now, he finally comes back tomorrow, and I cannot wait to just get to talk to him again. So much has happened!

On Halloween night I got my nose pierced! He doesn't know and hasn't seen it yet.

EEk I hope he likes it, I also dyed my hair back dark for the ball, the other color had faded waaaay too much to even look decent. But anywho I gotta get to Chemistry! 

Meet up!

So today sometime around noon I get to FINALLY meet the one, the only, Jessikuh
Words cannot describe how excited I am! She is one of my first followers, we "met" a year and a half ago! She was from Knoxville and we started texting and she's one of the only people that I go to for reliable relationship advice haha. We're both so alike when it comes to that stuff, I know she won't steer me wrong. We even go to the same school, weird right?? I can't believe we haven't met up on campus before, I mean I know our campus is huge but dang!! I'm going to see her after I meet up with my Social Work advisor.

Oh yeah, I switched majors :) Social work feels right, but weirdest part is, my advisor shares first names with my Bear. >.< My life lol

So to end, I'M SO EXCITEDAND I'M TAKING PICTURES!! Haha Jessikuh be prepared :)))) 

You're perfect

50 Things You Need To Give Up Today
Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.
Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.
Give up complaining. – Do something about it.
Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
Give up waiting. – What we don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.
Give up lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself. Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
Give up trying to avoid mistakes. – The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
Give up saying, “I can’t.” – As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”
Give up trying to be everything to everyone. – Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Start small. Start now.
Give up thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
Give up setting small goals for yourself. – Many people set small goals because they’re afraid to fail. Ironically, setting these small goals is what makes them fail.
Give up trying to do everything by yourself. – You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you work together, you will be far more capable and powerful than you ever could have been alone.
Give up buying things you don’t need. – Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.
Give up blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can live your dream life depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
Give up making mountains out of molehills. – One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years? If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
Give up trying to live up to the expectations of others. – Work on it for real and exceed your own expectations. Everything else will fall into place.
Give up the ‘easy street’ mentality. – There is too much emphasis on finding a ‘quick fix’ in today’s society. For example taking diet pills to lose weight instead of exercising and eating well. No amount of magic fairy dust replaces diligent, focused, hard work.
Give up making promises you can’t keep. – Don’t over-promise. Over-deliver on everything you do.
Give up letting your thoughts and feelings bottle up inside. – People are not mind readers. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them.
Give up beating around the bush. – Say what you mean and mean what you say. Communicate effectively.
Give up avoiding change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
Give up your sense of entitlement. – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world. We are all equal. We breathe the same air. We get what we give. We get what we earn.
Give up waiting until the last minute. – Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
Give up being dramatic. – Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.
Give up being anti-athletic. – Get your body moving! Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout.
Give up junk food. – You are what you eat.
Give up eating as a means of entertainment. – Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry.
Give up foolish habits that you know are foolish. – Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t smoke. Etc.
Give up relationships with people who bring you down. – Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.
Give up being shy. – Network with people. Meet new people. Ask questions. Introduce yourself.
Give up worrying about what others think of you. – Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
Give up trying to control everything. – Life is an unpredictable phenomenon. No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next. So do you best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.
Give up doing the same thing over and over again. – In order to grow, you must expand your horizons and break free of your comfort zone. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
Give up following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t find the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
Give up persistent multi-tasking. – Do one thing at a time and do it right.
Give up thinking others are luckier than you. – The harder you work, the luckier you will become.
Give up filling every waking moment with commitments and activities. – It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to do nothing sometimes. Think. Relax. Breathe. Be.
Give up making emotional decisions. – Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence. Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.
Give up doing the wrong things just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it. Think bigger. Keep the end in mind. Do what you know in your heart is right.
Give up focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
Give up taking yourself so seriously. – Few others do anyway. So enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can.
Give up spending your life working in a career field you’re not passionate about. – Life is too short for such nonsense. The right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
Give up thinking about the things you don’t have. – Appreciate everything you do have. Many people aren’t so lucky.
Give up doubting others. – People who are determined do remarkable things. Remember, the one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
Give up fussing with every beauty product on the market. – Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart. Be proud to be you. That’s when you’re beautiful.
Give up trying to fit in. – Don’t mold yourself into someone you’re not. Be yourself. Oftentimes, the only reason they want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business.
Give up trying to be different for the sake of being different. – Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is conformity. When people try too hard to be different, they usually end up being just like everyone else who is trying to be different. Once again, be yourself.
Give up trying to avoid risk. – There’s no such thing as ‘risk free.’ Everything you do or don’t do has an inherent risk.
Give up putting your own needs on the back burner. – Yes, help others, but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
And remember, mistakes make us human, failures help us grow, hope keeps us going and love is the reason we’re alive. So keep learning, loving and living. Never give up on yourself.

Love Don't Run

That song has been on constant replay this weekend in my head! That and Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift.


I have a Chemistry Exam tomorrow...I should probably be studying to be honest with you. But I have archaeology homework to do as well. We have to write a research paper and I don't even know what I want to write about. :/

The lovely Jessikuh has made me a new bloggy back ground!! I'm completely in love with it, I keep refreshing my page to look at it :)

My Bear is out in the field for the next gazillion days. Not really but it feels like it. They're dividing 18 days up into segments. How the heck does that make any kind of sense? Just do the straight 18 days, don't tease me with a weekend off every now and then.

Bear's been weird lately :/ Before the field we hardly talked for the entire week leading up to it, and I know that he was probably busier than crap but he always found time to talk to me before. Now it's just blah.

One of the main reasons I can't wait until Vegas?? Which is in 30 days!!!!! I'm going to play a prank on my mommy :)) It's going to have something to do with a chapel and a dress ;)

Ball news

It's been a while. But school is going slightly better, I'm doing my homework now. But I have bigger and better news :)))

I BOUGHT MY VEGAS TICKET MONDAY!!!!!!!

and

I GOT A DRESS LAST NIGHT!!!!!!

It's not the best picture, I still have somethings to work on before the Ball, but my friend was talking to me last night, walks over to her closet and gets this dress out. She was like well I don't need it right now. It's brand new!!! And I get to wear it??!! Buck yeah! I love it, it's the style I wanted for my prom dress  but never got because I fell in love with my dress lol. I've decided to get my nails done, but makeup and hair is going to be super simple. I'm going to work my natural curls and do something spectacular with them?? Lol That and I get to take a shower right before hand so it all works out.

Ummmm what else??? Oh I'm in love with Tumblr. Here are some pictures I hope they make you smile!!!!

 

I know, I had to add in the picture of my Bear. Isn't he adorable??

Oh and ps, I'm doing a lot of blog redesign, and I've been asked to be a Maid of Honor, what do I do as a Maid of Honor???

Perfect

Something I'm not. Something I wish I was. I'm struggling so bad in my Calculus and Chemistry classes. I don't think I'm cut out for Nursing, I have so many doubts about myself and what I can handle. I want to switch my major to Social Work, but I don't want to be called a quitter. I feel stupid in my classes because I don't understand and everyone around me does. I just don't know. I feel like I'm letting everyone down

Eight Fears and Seven Wants

Eight Fears:

1. Being married and getting those knocks on the door
2. Being engaged and getting a phone call from his mom
3. Getting married. Period.
4. Being a mom
5. Being hypocritical
6. Being alone
7. Walking alone at night when there are reports of a guy attacking people wearing a clown mask and carrying a baseball bat. This is currently happening.
8. Being late to the airport

Seven Wants

1. Trampoline
2. Plane ticket
3. Trip to Colorado
4. Live in Scotland
5. To be in bed right now
6. Fall!!!!
7. November <3

I miss his man feet

They're stinky, big, and totally hairy toed, but I miss his man feet. The feet he would tickle me with, wrap around mine, rest on my lap. I miss his huge man hands, the ones that have the fingers that curl down around my dwarf fingers, the hands mine fit perfectly in. He would team up with his brother and tickle me, until I wiggled down into the floor out of breath laughing and screaming at them, red faced and completely happy. Sigh. I'm gonna go listen to Goo Goo Dolls.

Day 2 : 9 Loves

9 Loves:

1. Cool Fall days
2. Cuddling :)
3. Curious puppies
4. Baby laughs
5. My Mister of course
6. Supportive Family
7. The love of my God
8. The salvation of my God
9. Bargain Shopping

10 Day challenge, day 1 10 secrets

10 Secrets

1. I make fun of people in my head all day.
2. I don't like short shorts
3. I  think the majority of girls are skanks
4. 23 months until Mr gets outta the Corps
5. I'm excited for that ^^
6. I'm afraid to tell Mr that I might not be able to go to Vegas, no ticket money
7. I hang up on people at Papa Johns when I cant understand them
8. I'm a closet baby doll enthusiast lol it's sad
9. I think my laptop is broken
10. Blogger frustrates me -.-

Part 2

Alright, so after my friend texts me telling me what's going on I send them  a group text saying that we're all adults and the way to handle a situation like this isnt to talk behind other people's backs but to talk face to face. Horse texted back and said that she'd come beat my A** if she had the gas...I mean I'd like to see her try but I'd rather not go to jail. Please and thanks. And somehow we ended up on the subject of her boyfriend and how she needs to go get pregnant by him...*sigh* not my proudest moment. BUT she did post on Facebook immediately afterwards "I may get pregnant by my loser boyfriend but at least my boyfriend doesn't whore around on me Mary Jo Petters!!" Wow, okay, first, REALLY MATURE. Secondly, she spelled my last name wrong -.- Thirdly, I think it's funny that she was so insecure about her relationship with him that she tried to say Mr whores around. He just laughed and said "She doesn't know me then." It cracked me up, and my reply post was

 "SO I'm not naming any names, but for the record, my FIANCE not BOYFRIEND does NOT whore around behind my back. I'm sorry if my relationship offends you because it's not with a guy I'm constantly in fear of getting pregnant with. I don't know where you got your facts wrong, but before you call me out make sure you get my last name right, it's PETERS not PETTERS. Pfft silly little girl." And my Second reply was, "Before you talk about how he whores around talk to his mama (Lori Robinson) about how she raised him, and then talk to his brother (Djizzle Davis) about how he's an example of fidelity, and then talk to him, you know, my fiance, Matthew about your opinions about him. You are NOT bringing lies into this argument."

I know, I had two replies...But what his mama said really made me feel better,

"Yes, it would tear both him and DJ apart to cheat. I taught them both, that "you have to live with the choices you make in this life, can you get up every morning and look yourself in the face, and say I like the person I am today and the choices I have made that got me here?" I know he would never cheat on you, I remember what it was like when he thought he lost you forever (my fault, and I can never apologize enough) I remember his depression, his tears, his heartbreak, I know he never wants to feel that again. He can't even handle it when he thinks you're mad at him, he's not perfect by any means, but he truly loves you, and would die to protect you. What you two have is what everyone wants, it's rare and beautiful. No, it's not always gonna be roses, but it is true and genuine. Your love for him is just as true, I see that, I feel that,and I know you were meant for my son. I thank God everyday, that he brought you back into his life, and that one day you will become his wife, to stand at his side, as his equal partner in good times as well as bad. I love you MJ as my daughter, and you know how hard it is for me to trust anyone and let them in, but my arms are wide open for you as one of my own."

Do I not have the best Mother in law?? And I know what she says is true, because he does hate it when I'm mad, he hates it when we argue it makes him miserable and he begs me to stop being mad at him. When I have doubts about us I remember this, what his mom said, and what he told me once, although at the time it made me sad.

"I don't always like you, but not once have I stopped loving you"

And I believe that's true for everyone, if we always liked the person we lived with there would be no excitement, no adventure. So, "haters gonna hate" but I'm gonna live my life, with my fiance and not feel the need for a back up plan :) I have my life, and she's gonna have hers.

So that's my summer, crazy, eventful, and dramatic as all hell.

Synopsis of a Summer- part 1

Good Lord this summer has been...dramatic to say the least. Can I first say, how absolutely GLAD I am not to be in high school anymore? I can? Okay good because I am! I am so happy I'm not in high school with little girls who like to start drama. But to tell that story I have to start at the beginning. Of the summer that is.

May 31- MOVE IN DAY!!! Fun times fun times :)) NOT. First, housing lost the list of names for the program that I'm in, so we had to be manually put into the system. As if that's not annoying enough, we randomly got stuck with people. Wouldn't it just be my luck if I got put with the girl that I had two years ago, the one that we both dislike each other? Yeah that was my thought right before this "Okay so she will be in room *** with MJ? Alright thanks!" Yeah. My life right?

***Side note***I felt seriously sorry for the hall director, this one girl was getting all upset and huffing everywhere like a horse and hitting her hand on the desk like a princess, and this woman just went with it. Bless you Hall Director.

Anywho, we went up to the room, my mom helped me move in :)) Yeah, my mother's amazing, I know :) My roomie hid out in her horsey friends room the whole time I was unpacking and only came back when I was gone, mature right?

***Side note #2*** I am not going to be very objective about Horse Friend or Roomie in this post

So. For about a day and a half we just studiously ignored one another and went about our lives. Until the day of Orientation. June 1st. This little witchy Roomie kept turning the A/C off when I was out of the room because "she gets cold" easily. Bull snot. She knows I get hot easily and wanted to make it miserable for me. Well in order to do this on this particular instance she decided to move my things off of the A/C to get to it. WHOA BACK UP. Touching my things?? When I'm not even in the room??? Who died and made her room mother? So I confronted her about that. She tried to play it off as me being childish, I said "No, it's not childish to want my things left alone in my own room. If this happens again I'm going to someone about it."

Fast forward about a week. We get called into a meeting with the program director. I'm terrified we're going to get kicked out of the program, because we just dislike each other so much, it's fairly obvious. She tells us we need to work it out and it's not healthy for the group to be put under stress by us. To which I completely agreed. I had had enough of the childish high school BS. So Roomie and I talked it out and I thought we were cool.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO WRONG IN MY LIFE

Little did I or anyone else know, she had been running to her mommy every night and talking about how threatened she felt by me, and so on and so forth. My first clue should have been how she treated Mr when he was home. As if he weren't there, in the room with us. I mean I just passed it off as rude. But apparently that threatened her and all of this other bunk. Whatever, she switched rooms and it's just whatever at that point. That brings us all the way through mid July, yes this is how long this drama played out, pathetic I know.

She starts packing her things one day, and just completely leaves, doesn't tell anyone the full story or anything. I'm called to the program director's office two days later and she is FURIOUS. Not with me, with Roomie. Roomie pulled some shady bunk and withdrew from the University, without telling anyone. That's not good, like at all. And as much as I *despise* dislike this girl I hate that she essentially screwed herself over. And I have to say, my parents were completely on the money about her personality, have been for the past 3 years, and the director even supported their views, sometimes word for word said what my parents had.

So she left, for good. Left the program in a mess, left the director in trouble (which really pisses me off but that's a different story), and as the final topper, decides two weeks later to try and start stuff with me. She, Horse Friend, and their friend Nympho *(I love my nicknames for these people)* told a really good friend that I had been talking about her behind her back. Which I hadn't, and when friend texted me like wtf I was like "Oh HECK NO" and...I feel this post is long enough, part 2 coming soon

ps how would you have handled the situations?

Isn't it ironic?

He thinks I'm the strongest girl in the world. He doesn't think twice about asking me to be strong for both of us, because he just doesn't know. He tells me that it's so hard for him to be away, and yes, I can understand that. But he doesn't understand that it's hard for me too.

I had a friend tell me today that she doesn't think she could ever handle being with someone in the military.

"You miss him all of the time, and you cry. I don't think I could do that MJ. You almost cried last night when you got to see him on Skype, I'm surprised you didn't."

I'm surprised I didn't too. I wanted to. His friend called me on Skype and Mr was in the room with him and I was like it's my baby!!! I got so happy, and I started to shake and everything. I know that most of y'all know what I mean when I talk about this. It's just so hard to be strong for two people :/

You can call me God mommy :))

Remember that cute baby puppy? SHE'S A HORSE. I swear. I didn't know she'd get big so fast!

In the week I've been at school I swear she's gained 5 pounds and grew by 3 inches. I hate that I'm missing so much with my baby girl :((

This little peanut is my godson Grayson :)) He was born the day that Mr left to head back to Cali, and I just feel like it's fate :)) He's kept me smiling since Mr left, and that's hard to do. His mommy is my best friend, and I can't wait to fly out to meet her! It's crazy how Facebook has let me meet these amazing women who have become my support system. His mom is in the top three, and I don't think I could handle anything without her. My phone has groups I can put people in, and she's in the group where I send any big news to, like 1st response. She texts back when it's 3am and she's always there for me, she's just amazing. :)) I keep tellin her my honeymoon is gonna be a road trip to visit her, and she keeps laughing and saying Mr won't like it, but it'll happen. I swear. Lol. Her husband is in the Army, and his doppelganger works at a bagel place on campus. :))

Playing Catch Up

Sometimes we like to sleep in our waterbowls...

This is our puppy Sapphire :)) She's part boxer, lab, and husky :)) She's 8 weeks old and HUGEEE!! She's also the sweetest puppy. Ever. Mr and I are in love with her, he pretty much gets daily picture of her and I hate living on campus away from her! When I went home this past weekend she freaked out when she saw me and her little tail was wagging like crazy :))

Hmmm what else is going on? Ohhh I need a co-signer for my student loan :/ Mr can't do it because spouses can't be co-signers for each other, my parents can't, and I just don't know who I'm gonna get to do it. :/ Funk funk funk.

I got a second job at Papa Johns last week! I work only weekends, get paid every Monday, and it's pretty much my gas money. I need to save up for Vegas and this will help a ton. I have all kinds of insurance junk to worry about, so needless to say I'm pretty stressed.

Haha sidenote, this girl in my Engliah 102 class has an Elmo voice. It cracks me up.

Anywho, Mr got a new phone the other day! It's touch screen and he's just like "Uh...." about it. My poor non technological Marine. Ohh and he bought a truck yesterday! 2010 Silver Ford Ranger. It's only a 2 seater but we won't need more seats than that for a while so it's good for now :))

I might be MIA for a bit, Finals are coming up and then Fall semseter starts. I'll do quick updates every now and then for you!

What's your song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZhQOvvV45w

I love this song! It keeps playing over and over in my head, I can't get enough of it! It's just too darn catchy I guess. Anywho this is my first time linking up so..Im not qutie sure how to get the video in the movie screen format thingy so it's rough and just a linky :)

Well I've changed

I've had quite a few old friends say this to me lately, "Why are you changing?" One asked why I was turning into a super b**** lately, another asked why I treat people like crap, and another just asked why I'd changed...I didn't know that I had? If we haven 't talked in months and you're suddenly texting me asking why I'm turning into a super B I feel like there's a problem with that conversation...but honestly the more I've thought about it, I changed. And it didn't happen overnight like everyone seems to think it has, it's been happening for a while now.

My message? Yes, I have changed. I have gone from a girl who was unsure about herself and her life into a fairly independent semi-adult. I use the words semi and fairly because I'm not there yet. I still have a lot of living left to do. Maybe I've become a super B because my fiance was gone for six months and we got to talk a total of 8-10 times. Maybe I've changed because in the last year and almost 8 months I've been through more than I thought I was getting myself into, and it overwhelmed me. Maybe if you had stuck around and listenend more to what I had to say I wouldn't have gotten a facebook message from you wondering where our friendship went. I don't have time to be friends with people who are "sometimes" friends. My life is moving pretty fast, and I need to know that my friends aren't going to bail when it become inconvenient to them. And I think I've found those friends. So, yes. I have changed, get used to it.

Weeeellll...

Meet my Mr's heart

Should I be worried? She's too cute for me to worry though...I just wanna hug her :)

Okay, let's begin shall we?? I've been missing for a good few weeks now...and as much as I regret it I had a good reason!!! I like pictures so let's tell a story :) Do you have the hot cocoa? And the blanket? Alright just makin sure June 22- Got to go with Mr and his Mama and brother to pick him up from the air port :)

It stormed, quite a bit and we got lost on the way home... we got lost...but it was amazing to just have him home


I didn't see him the day afterwards, because he was doing boy things with his friends...but that Friday I picked him up...

Aaand we went camping :) With my family, including cousins and Dad's friend from work.

He never let those Oakleys go...even dove into the lake to find them :)

He fished quite a bit, I forgot how country he was...only sad boy beause he never caught anything...my 13 year old cousin as the only person to ever catch anything...everyday. Twice a day. Anywho

These are his sexy shoes, yes, they are pink and he posed for me :) He knows how to work it
He stole my camera and took pictures, but that's okay, cause I got black mail now ;)





And then sad day, we had to go back and I dropped him off that Sunday. :( Monday we had our first fight, and it was scary and I hated it...I cried and he got upset and it was all one big mess. But we got everything worked out and we talk now, so good things do come from bad.



We saw each other every now and then that week, and then that Friday the lovely boy came to campus with me!

He came to work with me and played on my laptop for a few hours...he was so sweet :) People at work loved him, of course how could they not? My dad works on campus too and we stopped by his office and my love is officially "Quite a handsome boy" :) Yeah well I knew that :)))

Before we went swimming with the amazing Hannah I made him take pictures with me, he hates pictures, but I got so many this time I think he's immune to them now! He told me this ^^^ is how they kiss on Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs...I told him if he's not careful that could be our wedding kiss :D
More kisses :) I love his face in this one





He smiled for the pictures on my iPod but not the ones on his...pfft




That takes us to Saturday! The Saturday before he left :/








I got to meet his Didi (Grandmother), his Aunt and Uncle, and his heart aka baby cousin Princess. She's 3 and absolutely and utterly precious :) Seeing the two of them together was amazing, I never knew what he meant when he talked about her but now I do. They're precious together :)



On the way up there Mr and his brother decided they were going to make a redneck seat belt with bungee cords...I get a text from the front "Look at our web" Web?? Ohh...uhm nice babe...real nice

And then the last picture...it was time to get up to go to the airport, I cried...big time...we got to the airport just in time to drop him off and him run inside :'( Sad day...but now guess what???

I'm going to Vegas in November. We're going to see each other in 120 days :)) So he left July 6 and I'll see his face again November 10 just in time for the Marine Corps Ball :))

He's Home

Semi-wordless Wednesday

Sooo last night I got my hair did, and today....I went to the airport to pick up my love!!!

New Hair!

Sooo I need opinions :) Should I go from this hair toooo really really dark brown?? Because the hair now is really light on bottom from a foray into redhead-ness...and I really wanna go dark so idk. Opinions? Snide remarks? Hate? Love?

I think I broke my toe...

For serial. Last night in Jujitsu we were playing freeze tag. Only, in Jujitsu we play a version where to be unfrozen the person has to crawl between your legs and last night they added throwing...I was thrown...and pivoted on my left pinky toe...it's all purple and pitiful looking now, and I feel like crap. It's funny to see me walk though, I lift the outer part of my foot up so it doesn't touch the ground and hobble/limp. I feel like a hunchback.

In other news, I go home this weekend!! Sleep here I comeeeee

Random Ramblings

I hate spam mail. Just sayin. Especially when Mr gives me his email information to look at his iteniery (sp?) for his flight home and I find an online dating website ad...pfft shoulda seen my reaction, I woulda done a fish wife proud. Haha anywho, guess who's love comes hom in 5 days!!!!!! One hint...THIS GIRL! This time will be so different from when he was home before, I can feel it. I can't wait to just see him. I just wanna see his face and know that he's finally here after so long, and I feel like a Goob for calling 6 months a long time when I went a year before this time, but it feels like its been a decade since I saw him. I think it's because i know we've both changed some. But more on that later.

College is alright, it's draining me though. I'm getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night and wake up in the mornings all groggy and junk and fallin asleep in class is killin me. It's all these English papers I have to write I guess.

My new job is pretty amazing though, I just sit on the computer all day and do nothing but homework, I mean, hey I'll take what I can get ;)

Conflicted

Oh bloggy loves my heart is hurting...it seems like we're back to the way we were before with Mister. Despite the 2 phone calls that I got yesterday, which is more than I got in a month before deployment, we're back to acting like MJ didn't text us, and getting upset over things that we're only being kidded about.
MJ- I've got bubbles!
Mr.- Can someone say childish?
MJ- Can someone say mean?
Mr.- Mean
MJ- yes you are. incredibly so
Mr- I love you too
MJ- I know you do :) I loves you mores
and guess who never got a text back? Maybe I was being too sensitive...because honestly, I'm having trouble trying to figure out how to react to him. He got back to the states Friday, and texted me when he could and it was awkward really...I'm so happy he's home, he makes me so happy when he's not being like this. And I don't really know what to say to him now. I feel like I don't know how to talk to him anymore and that makes me sad. Maybe I'm just so distracted with the roommate thing and I need to work more on my relationship. I'm not sure.

Speaking of roommates, guess what? I don't like mine. Now, its not that she's a horrible person, although some of the things she's done to me have led me to have a biased opinion, its that we've roomed together before, and we both did some petty, unnecessary things, and now we can't stand each other. She admitted to poisoning what I thought were two very good frienships with lies and making them choose sides between us. All with a smile on her face. But oh well, whatever. We both know that frienship is out of the question, I just hope that we can coexist civily. So I'm off to be even more conflicted now...lalala

College kid

Hello all. I'm sorry that I've been so MIA lately...hmm lets see what all has happened since my last post? Lord that was back in April!!!!!!!! Okay so...I graduated!! I'll put pictures up later. I went to the beach! It was my graduation trip with my family, and it was so much fun. I wanna go back so bad, I think I wanna live there one day. I moved into my dorm Tuesday May 31. My roommate is a girl I roomed with before and while we don't get along we've decided to work it out :) So I'm hopeful about that. He gets to come home SOOOOON!!!! We've already got dates for them coming back to the states, so I'll have to do another post to talk about that :)

Today was my first day of class, and I'm reallly starting to realise that I'm not fully grown up like I want to be yet. I still need to work on my flexibility and to learn to handle conflict. I need to get off blogger and do my homework too :P I will in a minute though. I really hope this is a growing and learning experience for me, I really think I need that. Well anywho, that's my updates :) I'll go in depth later :)

Unexpected

I never planned, wanted, or considered dating someone in the military. I thought they were all rude, and I had preconceived notions from my mother, who was in the Marine Corps before I was born. But I was wrong. In dating, and becoming engaged to, Matthew I've become a part of a lifestyle unlike any other. The women are stronger, the men are more polite, and the whole experience is mind blowing. I've become friends with people with who live halfway across the country and who are there for me more than friends at home. Sure our guys have the brotherhood, but the sisterhood is what astounds me. Sure, there are those women that you KNOW are tag chasers and that you just instinctively don't talk to, but there are also those women who are your friends. Age, location, time of day, it doesn't matter. Maybe this is just a mushy post, but I believe that this sisterhood is priceless.

Something that I've noticed happening a lot is civilian friends droping out of my life. They either don't understand or they're just uncaring about what I have to say that has to do with the military. I'm a caring person and I'll sit and listen to other people talk all day long but when I expect the same in return I'm disappointed. I find this funny, because I'm so much closer to my military girls than the people at home who are "best friends". They tell me when I'm upset to go talk to my "girls" and I do. I look at them and say "Wow you're right, they would understand."

Updates

Whoo so I haven't posted in about two weeks, and well a lot has happened since that last post. How about I start with the fact that I am now 18???? 

AH!!!!

 I'm so happy.

And 

I finally heard from Mister!!!

We got to Skype last monday night

and every morning, except weekends, since.

I am a very happy MJ :)

Skype does hate me though....

And I'm staying on campus this summer!! 

Part of a scholarship I got is I have to stay on UTKs campus

ALL SUMMER. But Im not complaining, Im so excited for it!!!

What else? Hmm...Ohhh does anyone know anything about student loans?? 

If so Id appreciate help :)

More changes in the friendship garden

So lately I've decided that I'm tired of being the "maybe" friend. I'm tired of making someone a priority in my life and not having that returned. This girl and I, we'll call her Gingy. She's been what I had considered a best friend for a good 5 years now. The last couple of years we've gone in different social groups. I thought this would be okay. Well I guess I was wrong, because now she only calls on day that she is doing absolutely nothing, and when I ask to hang out she says her mother won't let her and I find out later that she's gone to hang out with other people. I would have no problem with this if she wouldn't call me the next week and wonder why I haven't answered her phone calls. Uhm HELLO. Ugh. I just dont' know if its time to let go of this friendship, or try to hold on to it. I'm leaining towards letting it go. I dont' need this in my life

100 Facts about me, Part 2

Alrighty then. Part 2 :)

26. I've always struggled with my weight. When I was six I decided I was too fat.

27. I'm not that excited about prom

28. I'm VP of my school's chapter of National Honor Society

29. I've dyed my hair twice. Red both times. And both times it faded very quickly.

30. I get frusturated very easily with certain people

31. It's taken me a week to do this

32. I turn 18 in 5 days

33. I highly doubt that anyone is reading this

34. I'm a worrier

35. I wear contacts

36. I love helping in the second grade

37. Mister knows my iPod passwords

38. I can be a huge hypocrite

39. I forgot to apply for housing

40. I would be perfectly okay with getting married tomorrow

41. I'm addicted to Facebook

42. I can type without looking

43. I'm afraid of math

44. I'm afraid of snakes

45. I love kids

46. I don't really know how to use my calculator

47. I'm really good at making up sentimental stuff for papers

48. I'm jealous a lot

49. I have an unnatural hate for skinny blonde preppy people

50. Idk how I'm going to think of 50 more

Finishing up a Meme

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? I cry, a lot. I mean who wouldn't get upset about this? I would probably hate myself for a while afterwards as well.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Applied for a job at McDonalds! Day

23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Taken more chances

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Oh boy, Making a playlist for someone....I'm not doing a letter that would take too long. How about a Title and Explanation? This is to Mister I guess. The Warrior Song Hard Corps- This song is the USMC. Point blank, I love the lyrics, they're good get you motivated lyrics, they're lyrics that I've always thought as classically Marine Corps. This is just a special song, the original is The Warrior Song, and its the military in general. Here's the link to both: http://thewarriorsong.com/video.html

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

I've thought about this a lot since I had my wreck back in October. I feel like I don't know my reason yet. For all intents and purposes I could have died then and I didn't. I don't know why I'm still here but I'm thankful that I am.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes. Freshman year, and the summer after. I honestly couldn't tell you why. I just felt overwhelmed and wanted it to be over.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

I've been accepted to an amazing Nursing program. I'm not giving that up. And My Mister. He supports me no matter what. We'll figure something out.

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Honestly as much as I love children I would be ecstatic to find out I was pregnant. I would tell Mister first, and since I'm so young I would probably wait to talk to him before I told anyone else. If he wouldn't want it, then I can't tell you what would happen.

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

My lack of filter when speaking. Why not? I insult people without even trying and that's not a good thing.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Dear MJ,

You are awesome. You love without restraint, and you don't give up on people. Sometimes that gets you hurt but you just get right back up and keep on going. You know lyrics to more songs than some radio DJ's. You have friends who live across the country and you love them just as much as the friends at home. You miss your Mister, but you only cry when you need to. You don't wallow too often in hurt. You remember things. You brush your teeth for 5 minutes every morning and it shows. Sometimes you share too much but that's what makes people feel close to you. Don't ever stop that. Just learn to filter.

FINALLY

Finally finally finally I heard from him!!!!!!!!! I am over the moon right now. But of course I was in the shower the two minutes he was online...Augh. But I guess that's just my luck. I'm not complaining though. I am so beyond happy. And my 18th birthday is in EXACTLY TWO WEEKS. You can imagine my level of excitement! Thu gs are shaping up around here :)

I dare ya Punk

Back in the days when we were young...when everything was like a loaded gun... Yess I'm in that mood today. I'm in the lose myself in the good ol Puddle of Mudd mood, some Rob Zombie gets thrown in there, I won't mind :) Oh yes...Dragula :)

Haha so I think today is going to be an introspective, little known fact kind of day.

My freshman year I had a punk stage. There. I said it. It's out. I wore all black shirts, blue jeans, and Vans. I love my Vans. They were straight laced, and I can't even skate. I wore dark blue eye make up, heavy liner, and hadn't yet discovered mascara,

THANK GOD.

If I didn't have all of the make up on, I didn't have any on. My hair was long, natural, sometimes it wasn't even brushed. It was just too curly for me to do anything with and it look good. Of course the teachers still liked me, but they were wary of me. My friends were almost all guys. And my best friend? That was a fellow punk girl named E. E and I were best friends, and she just so happened to date Mr's best friend. So it was a match made in Heaven. I listened to some head bangin music, stuff that I don't even like now, much less then. I got into some weird habits, such as not eating, like

uhm

HELLO ITS NECESSARY FOR SURVIVAL RETARD.

And dropped about twenty pounds. That's the only thing I liked about that stage in my life. That and Mr. He was my little punk buddy, wore black beanies, listened to the same stuff as me, only harder rock versions. He called me a punk and I loved it. Really, Rob Zombie brought us together. I was the random girl who he noticed listenin to some hard stuff. Anywho, yeah. That was me, if you can imagine it...sometimes I still have a hard time believing it!

March 30

Tomorrow is Welcome Home Vietnam Veteran Day. I didn't know we had that until I was on Twitter. This makes me SO happy. If you didn't know, the Vietnam war is one of the most underappreciated in my opinion. Those guys went through hell, and some didn't even get a thank you. And that steams me! Yes, STEAMS. My face gets read and I get furious just thinking about it. And I honestly can't tell you why. It just doesn't sit right with me. So tomorrow, I'm gonna be saying thank you to some special Vietnam Vets that I know. Even the ones in my own family. :)

I'm posting from math...again

So I haven't heard fom Mr. in exactly 31 days. Christ that's a whole month!!! That makes me sad, but I know he's doing stuff in Japan. And THAT makes me so proud. I never thought this MEU deployment would be anything like this. I thought it would be talks every weekend, funny pictures of him and his buddies, and I thought it would be fun for him. But it's not. This will be heart breaking for him to see all of the devastation, and I know him, and he will do anything he can do to help. Anything. Is it wrong for this to scare me? I mean, really, is it? I'm not being selfish, I promise.

Those people in Japan, it's breaking my heart, I can't even watch the news anymore because everytime I see it I get sick. How do they recover?

And the Japanese people, HOLY COW those people are just amazing. I saw a story where a business man lost EVERYTHING and all he cared about was finding his workers, and making sure THEY were okay, he could have cared less about himself. THAT is true honor to me. They are such an honorable people, and so giving to each other. Maybe every bad thing really does bring something good.

And I'm learning that in every tragedy there are little everyday miracles. A four month old baby was found amidst rubble I think it was three or four days, after being ripped from it's mother's arms. Holy cow. And the little miracle? This baby was ALIVE and healthy. I can't help but be awed by that.

Team Clay/Serafin- Please Read

Dear blog readers, I hope that you'll read this blog post. Out of any others, I hope this one gets the most reads. Recently, Mrs. S blogged about a dear friend who was taken too soon. Well, I'm not gonna try to describe it, just read what this amazing mother had to say about her son, and go HERE and click on SUPPORT TEAM CLAY/SERAFIN Thanks loves

My 23 year old son, Kale Daren Clay is the 2nd son, 3rd oldest in a family of 8. Think Brady Bunch on Steroids! A crazy, happy, loud bunch of us. We were part gypsy, moving often. I tell people, "Witness Protection". Far more interesting than the truth behind our many moves. As a result, the kids were each others best friends, learning that many things come and go in life, but your family is your rock. Kale's had friends wherever he went. From Boise, Washington, Arizona, Colorado, even in Iraq.

Joining the Army became his primary focus after a few years of drifting after high school, dead end jobs, etc. His weight piled on, something far too easy for the Brown line he comes from. We eat our feelings! He had to lose 100 pounds to join, and it took him just under a year to do it. He was focused and driven, wanting to be part of something he could feel proud of. He was so proud wearing his uniform. He had such a smile, that just melted your heart. You could not stay mad at him long. A practical joker, and seeker of fun; full of pranks and mischief. He made friends of senior command leaders, who would seek him out, just because it felt good to be around him. He made the unit's deployment bearable, said many of his battle buddies. Mike, his battle bud, told us the story of how Mike was called home due to a surgery his wife would be having. Kale carried Mike's gear, all 80lbs, in addition to his own, during the heat of summer in Iraq. Never complained, only asked how his wife was whenever they spoke.



After his Iraq deployment he settled into life at Ft. Carson. He would be moving on to a new duty station the following spring at Ft. Drum, with Afghanistan deployment in the summer. I had worried so much over his last deployment as only those who send loved ones off to a warzone know. In my mind, he was a "boy scout camp". That is where I pictured him and believed him to be safe. Seeing him fully decked out in his protective gear always seemed to shock my brain to reality that he was not "safe". Each day you prayed, held your breath, and hoped you would never get "the knock".

Most of us had talked to him either day before or a few days before, I remember we talked about the college classes he was signing up for, and working towards making his Sergeant rank. He told me about his cool new tatt he got with his Battle Buddy, Mike, since they had both served on a security team. Kale became Uncle to his kids. They loved the mischief Kale would bring to the house. That morning when I woke up, Sat. Feb. 13th, he was on my mind. I called him, and his phone just rang and rang. I left a message for him to call me back. That evening, a rare quiet date with my hubby, just us and the remote. Kids all out at a dance, friends, dates, etc. Two of our gang, were both living out of state. About 9pm, we get "the Knock". It seemed unusual, we were not expecting anyone. I heard Mark talking, then saw them enter.

It seemed like slow motion, and took me only a second to recognize them, instantly knowing, Kale was dead. The one closest to me, not sure how to break the news, nervously asked me "how I was doing?" I looked him straight in his eyes, my voice shaking and said, "I don't know, you tell me how I'm doing." Not wanting to hear what was coming next.

"We regret to inform you that your son, Kale Daren Clay has been killed."

My head started crying out, "NO, NO, not Kale!, Not my son, Not my baby!" I pretty much lost it at that point, crying so hard. We held each other for a time, trying to absorb it. It seemed so unreal, you just kept thinking it or saying it as if it somehow would feel more real the more you heard it. We next knew we had to tell our children. We were about to inflict the cruelest pain on our children, their hearts were about to break and we could not fix this. We started calling them home, "get home right now." The tones, and words already alerting them something major was happening.

We called our daughter in Washington, hospitalized the past year for trying to jump off a bridge in Seattle. I was about to devastate her and I could not be there to make sure she could handle this. To not have anyone there to hold her or know she could get through this. The screams in the phone tore through our hearts.

Jordan came in just as dad was telling Kassy in Virginia. The party she was at with friends and family there, all told me later how her screams and cries just cut them all to the heart. Jordan hearing the news that his beloved brother and best friend, was dead fell to the floor, doubled up in pain.

The girls came next, Megan, Jessica and Becca, all hearing the crying and the news fell, crying, screaming, so unbelievable.

Brian was the last to arrive, he met the kids in the front yard and hearing the news started swinging, trying to fight us from delivering him this cruel blow.

We all held each other, cried, friends gathered, all of us numb and in shock. We learned that he was killed in a head on collision early that morning. Another passenger, Pawel Serafin died with him. The driver was a friend of Kale's, and he received injuries to his legs and some internal damage. They served together in Iraq. The truck they hit, was a 350 utility truck. He was injured in the crash. Kale's injuries we later learned, were two instant death injuries, one upon impact, the second as Pawel, who was not seat belted, flew forward, smashing into the windshield.

I was told that Kale had tried to call a taxi that night, he had tried to call a friend who did not pick up the call. He had plans to meet up with a girl he was seeing but they missed each other. So many things that would have given us a different outcome. Jordan Peters later told me that he held up the Designated Driver business card that all soldiers are required to have on them at all times, he gave a safety briefing to his unit with it. If only he had just called them. If only a police officer was at the bottom of the hill just past base.

There have been so many hard things we have experienced this past year, burying him, his birthday 17 days later, the two weddings his sisters had that he missed or his first neice being born. Going through trial, seeing those photos I tried so hard to not see that will haunt me to the end of my days. The greatest tragedy was that his death was preventable. The choices made to have "fun" have a lifetime of devastating pain. I carry that till the day I die.

Seeing how it has torn up the hearts of my family. Jordan Peters was sentenced to 10 years, and a bad conduct discharge. His career is over. He carries the pain of this as well to the day he dies. There are no winners here.

This is why I became involved with MADD. It took a personal experience to open my eyes to this huge problem.

If I can spare one other mother, the pain my heart carries, one other family from being destroyed over the loss of a loved one than the work I do and Kale and Pawel's death will have meaning. MADD was there from day one, and has continued to assist our family during those very dark hours. The services they provide make coping possible. It is free to victims and survivors but is not free to make possible. It takes events like the Walk Like Madd, their biggest campaign, to fund the many programs of education, assisting with court/trial for victims, working with lawmakers etc.

My son loved being a soldier and was so proud to serve his country. Won't you help me give back? Any amount adds up. I set a goal to raise of $2328.00 the ages of Kale and Pawel. I am half way there, and need help. It is not an easy thing for me to do, I am one who takes pride in serving others and am not good at accepting help. It is my driving force to do this for them.

I have chosen to walk in Kale's boots he wore in Iraq. They are big, and will probably really hurt, but I walk for him. He did so much for so many others, never caring about his own discomfort. I hope you will take a minute right now, and find someway to help.

One, pass on our story to all your contacts, the more ears that hear his message the better.

Two, sign up to help our team, on the walklikemadd.org, we are listed in Phoenix, and look for Team Clay/Serafin. You can join us if you are close, Sat. April 2, Westgate Center, Glendale AZ, or sign up as a "Virtual Walker". You don't even have to walk.

Or just send a donation! Really, every dollar helps. Ask people for donations or to sponsor you!

Next, never drive if you drink, don't let someone you know drive if they have. Never be a passenger of an impaired driver. Wear your seatbelt!

From his birthday March 3 to the walk April 2, I am going to find daily hard things, in his honor, so join me in that too. I struggle with getting up early, exercising more, eating better... always putting change off. Not this time, I promised him the day I buried him, I will do hard things, because he showed me how.

I pray together, we can save lives!

Show and Tell Tuesday

Hey y'all! Okay so I'm doing Show and Tell Tuesday over at Mrs. Yellow Ribbon. And this week the topic is words or phrases you use all of the time.

Oh boy lol. This is gonna be fun...

Y'all- Southern for you all, typically the most used word in a Southerner's vocabulary

I mean...-I use this all of the time. I tend to be very honest as a person and this gets me a lot of complications with people...I find myself backtracking a lot

For real??- Used like "You've got to be kidding me" I say this a lot when my second grader's tattle..."Miss. Marissa **** is playing with lint!!" "For real?!"

Uhm...-This comes out more often than not...I use it to stall lol

Lmao- I use this in almost every text because I find most things funny lol

Why?- I'm very curious so I use this throughout the day

Right?-This is my agreement, or just when I don't have anything else to say"She's so annoying!" "Right...?" lol

Head on over and tell us, what words do you use?

New Pic

I'm kinda unsure about this picture...what do y'all think? (The new header) I like it but is it kinda too weird??

True love lasts forever...even in military time

I heard from my Matthew!!!

Oh bloggy loves :) I finally got a message from him after almost 4 weeks!!!!!!

But it was quickly followed by...

THE

WORST

DAY

EVER.

OF

MY

ENTIRE

LIFE.

I no longer have texting on my phone.

So this means I can't talk to these

wonderful

amazing

fantabulous

ladies that I love dearly.

This=SAD MJ :(

I miss talking to my lovelies :/

But I'll be okay I guess.

He called me strong yesterday:

hey babe sorry its been awhile but hey i know your a strong girl thats one of the reasons i love you youll never geuss where i am im in thiland (thailand)

AS IF HE HAS TO

APOLIGISE...

But yeah...so I'm gonna go:)

If you want my email please say so...

I hate losing touch with people

My Pantech

Welcome to my blog! If you've never done the phone link up, click on the phone button on my sidebar and go link up!!! It's hosted by the lovely Jessica, she has tons of kids and is the size of my forearm, no kidding :) She's also awesome and you should follow her :D

So I did this the other night...my legs hurt for three days but I loved it!
Who else remembers Lamb Chop? Please tell me I'm not alone! :) I loved this little lamb!

One of my kids made a flower with her blueberries yesterday at the Valentine's Day party she's adorable

We can Live like Jack and Sally

I'm breaking the cardinal rule of blog posting, by posting twice. Buuut I just hope y'all love me enough to read both? :D This post is going in a completely opposite direction.

I MISS HIM. I miss getting random little pictures of him before bed with his eyes all sleepy and a goofy tired smile on his face. I even miss sleep texting him. I know, I'm a nut. I miss waking up to his "huh" when I would reply in my sleep "andkdlk hajeoe" It happened...nightly lol.

I miss him calming me down when I get really stressed and freak out over everything. His "Calm down babe" would always do the trick. I could send him a 5 page text saying why my life sucked and he'd say "You're ok babe. I know you can do it, I love you" I miss his sweetness. I mean we have problems, and we would have had days where we hardly texted but we could have had 2 or 3 of the random conversations that I save EVERY SINGLE TEXT of. Just *sigh* I guess.

I hate that I've broken so bad lately.

I can't stand how weak I've been.

And I'm sorry I've been depressing

It's Just a Lyrical Lie

I wanna do a care package. Buuut I don't have his address. So there goes that idea. Oops. Seems to me that that's something that he should have given me. This blogpost is gonna be a vent of sorts. It's my impatience to be honest. And trust me my impatience is reaching its limits.
Okay. Don't judge me or hate me for this post, but I'm beginning to wonder if Mr. still wants to get married. I've thought and thought agbout this, and I just can't seem to understand what he wants from me anymore. I talked to his brother about this and he told me this.
MJ-Do you think Mr and I will really get married
Bro-Absolutely
MJ-Why though
Bro-Because my brother loves you just as much as he loves me and thats close to impossible he doesnt even love mom that much

So is that the answer to all of my doubts? Words of wisdom from a brother? I just don't know what to do anymore. I hear all the time about other Marines just randomly getting married at the drop of a hat and he won't even tell me a YEAR. Maybe we're too young for this right now. Maybe people are right.

Or maybe (most likely) I'm thinking too hard about this right now and need to pay attention to my math teacher. Help?

I Believe project

What do you believe? What are some things that you absolutely one hundred percent believe in? Here are mine, go to Jessikuh and grab the button so you can take part as well :)

I believe...

in GOD

in love

in chaos

in miracles

in ME

in my FAMILY

No relationship is perfect.

People lie. Get used to it.

Baby coughs are the most pitiful thing ever.

Baby laughs are the most joyful sound ever.

An "enemy" is someone God wants us to spend a little more time trying to love.

Curiosity is never a bad thing & asking why is never a reason to be punished

A person will never really know love until they learn to give it freely, without restraint.

Mr's FRO hates me. For reals. -.-

So go and grab the button so you can join in, it helps keep you grounded, at least for me it does.

Yes, this is on my phone

So these silly looking people? Tis me and one of my good friends Kelsie :)

So I may or may not have stalked his battallion's facebook page and found this picture of him...and two more pictures and a video...again may or may not have

So I adopted three Marines before Thanksgiving and have been writing to them off and on since then and I finally got a reply!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited, but look at that handwriting, it looks exactly like my Mr's and also apparently a lot of Marines write like that... O.o

Is it just me or does this look like a gun?

I'm on a boat...hahaha my Amy <3 She knows how to make me smile from sooo far away!